The (three quarters) Black Eyed Peas
In the next few days, you will see a lawsuit filed against the Black Eyed Peas… by whom, you ask? Yours Truly. I will be seeking damages to the tune of five minutes and twenty-seven seconds (00:05:27) of my life (plus an undisclosed monetary amount due to punitive damages to my ears). Unfortunately, this time was horribly wasted listening to the song entitled “My Humps” off of their latest release Monkey Business. Even more unfortunately, I’m sure many other individuals have endured this song, so the worldwide damages are much worse.
I truly am disappointed in the Black Eyed Peas for actually trying to pawn this garbage off as music. I hope to god that this travesty is Fergie’s doing, and not Will I Am’s or any of the other (more respectable, musically speaking) members. I understand that in order to sell more records (especially to teenage girls) BEP added Fergie to… I don’t know, soften them up? Now, don’t get me wrong, I think (in close to all other instances) she is a good addition to the band. Having a good female voice can help. Not to mention Fergie’s visual advantages. But this song is just horrendous. Refer to: “…my humps… my humps… my lovely lady lumps…” This is what you call a song????? This is good song writing???? Are you serious here????? (these are rhetorical… answers should read: No, No, and Please God NOOOOO) How do you throw a song like that in, and then follow it with a great collaboration with (I think) Q-Tip and Talib??? It just doesn’t seem right.
Speaking of collaborations, the song “Going Gone” (Jack Johnson) is spectacular in my mind. Jack had this song on his second album, and it was pretty good, but the spin BEP puts on it is great. I suspect, however, that BEP merely used Jack’s voice from the original song, and placed it over theirs. Regardless, BEP really has a knack for great collaborations outside of the hip hop community. For instance, their collaboration with Papa Roach on their last album was a GREAT song. You’d never expect it to be, but it is. Also, they did a song with 311 (not on any albums that I’m aware of) that I can’t think of the name of. It is a remake of an older BEP song, I think from either Bridging the Gap or Behind the Front, with 311 playing the music.
Anyway, I haven’t listened to all of Monkey Business just yet; I only got as far as “Going Gone.” But that song “My Humps” just really humps me the wrong way. Anyone else? I mean, Fergie usually humps me the right way, but not this time.
I truly am disappointed in the Black Eyed Peas for actually trying to pawn this garbage off as music. I hope to god that this travesty is Fergie’s doing, and not Will I Am’s or any of the other (more respectable, musically speaking) members. I understand that in order to sell more records (especially to teenage girls) BEP added Fergie to… I don’t know, soften them up? Now, don’t get me wrong, I think (in close to all other instances) she is a good addition to the band. Having a good female voice can help. Not to mention Fergie’s visual advantages. But this song is just horrendous. Refer to: “…my humps… my humps… my lovely lady lumps…” This is what you call a song????? This is good song writing???? Are you serious here????? (these are rhetorical… answers should read: No, No, and Please God NOOOOO) How do you throw a song like that in, and then follow it with a great collaboration with (I think) Q-Tip and Talib??? It just doesn’t seem right.
Speaking of collaborations, the song “Going Gone” (Jack Johnson) is spectacular in my mind. Jack had this song on his second album, and it was pretty good, but the spin BEP puts on it is great. I suspect, however, that BEP merely used Jack’s voice from the original song, and placed it over theirs. Regardless, BEP really has a knack for great collaborations outside of the hip hop community. For instance, their collaboration with Papa Roach on their last album was a GREAT song. You’d never expect it to be, but it is. Also, they did a song with 311 (not on any albums that I’m aware of) that I can’t think of the name of. It is a remake of an older BEP song, I think from either Bridging the Gap or Behind the Front, with 311 playing the music.
Anyway, I haven’t listened to all of Monkey Business just yet; I only got as far as “Going Gone.” But that song “My Humps” just really humps me the wrong way. Anyone else? I mean, Fergie usually humps me the right way, but not this time.
posted by B-Qbd at 12:23 PM
4 Comments:
In the words of Jacob Radsick, "Dude, Sugar Ray is NOT a sellout." In the words of Webster's dictionary,
"sellout: 1. The act of selling out. 2. An event for which all the tickets are sold. 3. Slang. One who has betrayed one's principles or an espoused cause. (see also: Sugar Ray)"
I do not make this stuff up.
Last year's NBA playoffs anthem is a very good point that I actually forgot about. One thing I don't understand about "Get It Started":
In the real version (Retarted) at one point Fergie yells out "R-E-T-A-R-T-E-D!!" Why in the gay version doesn't she spell out "I-T-S-T-A-R-T-E-D"???? That would have made sense to me?
Lastly, I hope you included Gwen Stefani in this whole thing as a Sugar Ray colleague in the sellout department over at Ultra-Corporate Records.
Let us not forget that "Fergie," Stacey Ferguson, was on the show Kids Incorporated. When she started sprouting some breasts and getting to old for the show they replaced her character with Jennifer Love Hewitt. At this rate, after the next album or two, BEP will be sooooo bubble gum they'll be able to do the same. Fergie's breasts will start to sag and she'll be getting to old for the band. Presto chango! Welcome Jennifer Love Hewitt. To be honest I wouldn't mind watching their videos with Love dancing around. I'll just have to watch those videos like I watch their videos already... on mute.
Here is all you need to know from the undeniable source in music, one Rolling Stone Magazine (pay special attention to the part referring to your favorite song),
"For 2003's multiplatinum Elephunk, the Black Eyed Peas recruited sexy crooner Fergie and ditched ponderous rhymes in favor of smooth hooks, transforming themselves from the world's most boring rap group to hip-hop's brightest popsters. Monkey Business is just as bright if not quite as fun as Elephunk, calling in Justin Timberlake, James Brown and Sting for a series of party-starters and hijacking Dick Dale's "Miserlou" for the opening "Pump It." Some cuts are dragged down by soul-pop cliches, but "Don't Lie" is a breezy, grooving romantic apology starring MC Will.i.am, and "My Humps" is an irresistible, butt-stupid ode to Fergie's ass. If anything, Business is too breezy -- but from a group that once burdened us with rhymes about how its "technicalities die hard like battery," that's not such a bad thing."
I should probably listen to the song before I judge it, but I'll just assume your position as mine.
Though I've never really read Rolling Stone, I think I will now classify it as an ultra-pop magazine. This almost reminds me of a review I once read (not sure what magazine) about one of Radiohead's more recent albums (kid a, and later). The author basically raped their album, and said something to the tune of "Radiohead should ditch their new direction, and go back to writing the pop (and yes, he actually did say pop) songs that they are so good at... like Creep" Personally wouldn't classify Creep as a pop song, but hey, consider the source. Also reminds me of how Wilco's record label told them that Yankee Hotel Foxtrot was a "career-ending album." It's funny how all the "important" people (being record execs, music critics, and other know-it-alls) are always happiest when they believe an album to be as pop as possible. I know that's what I'm lookin for...
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